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[27 Jan 2004|01:31am]
okay...


so.. i wasnt feeling it with this Lj name.. therefore.. i created sweetcatstrophe which i love and i'm keeping.


sorry for being a pain in the ass
fill the void behind my face

[26 Jan 2004|10:44pm]
Angel
You are one of the few out there whose wings are
truly ANGELIC. Selfless, powerful, and
divine, you are one blessed with a certain
cosmic grace. You are unequalled in
peacefulness, love, and beauty. As a Being of
Light your wings are massive and a soft white
or silver. Countless feathers grace them and
radiate the light within you for all the world
to see. You are a defender, protector, and
caretaker. Comforter of the weak and forgiver
of the wrong, chances are you are taken
advantage of once in awhile, maybe quite often.
But your innocence and wisdom sees the good in
everyone and so this mistreatment does not make
you colder. Merciful to the extreme, you will
try to help misguided souls find themselves and
peace. However not all Angelics allow
themselves to be gotten the better of - the
Seraphim for example will be driven to fighting
for the sake of Justice and protection of those
less powerful. Congratulations - and don't ever
change - the world needs more people like you.


*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla
fill the void behind my face

[26 Jan 2004|01:00am]
i'm making toby's Lj pretty. everyone go look and tell me so (haha)

crystlakeswmtm
fill the void behind my face

[25 Jan 2004|11:15pm]
BiteToBreakSkinn: she wants pictures of me cause i'm stupid
BiteToBreakSkinn: a stud*
BiteToBreakSkinn: lol, i SWEAR to god i meant to type a stud
BiteToBreakSkinn: and stupid came out




lol, i love you toby <33333
3 sweet memories ·· fill the void behind my face

[25 Jan 2004|08:14am]
it was just how i remembered it; the water flowing with a slow, lazy like feel to it. ice chipped and shaved around the roots of trees that extended down the snow-covered banks. the isolation from civilization.. yet comfort in knowing the private homes that lay across the opposite side of the path. it looked like a picture .. but better; it was a memory pulled from the dusty attic of my mind. a place i placed behind me five years ago. like an old photograph thrown to the bottom of a dust ridden trunk, but now removed to glance across once again.

a memory i thought i would never retrieve again. i was wrong.

the path was worn and simple. birds flitted from naked branch to branch. sweet callings from one aviary to the next. the wind was cold. much colder that what i had remembered about this place before. it was expected, however, being the middle of january and in the lowers 'teens degree wise. the cloud of fog spread from my nostrils as i stood there watching the water. watched how it spiraled and swirled in small rhythmic steps as if dancing to an unknown tune. it was always like this. for as long as i could remember coming to the river... there was always an enchantment about it. as if some unseen force held tight to it. made it someplace special.

and it was. for us.

the river was a place i had traveled to many years before anything had happened. it was a refuge for the summer days when the heat was way above any average index. it was a shelter for the days when all we wanted to do was escape from the world. it was a place that we found comfort in. comfort that couldn't be delivered from anywhere else. we hardly spoke when we were down there, either. we didn't have to. each of us knew what the other was thinking; any type of verbal communication would have ruined the moment.

and there were plenty of moments.

days were passed with stupid child-like stunts of jumping from fallen tree to fallen tree. rope swings were made to cast out above the rivulet that lay below us. it was our time to defy gravity for that moment and only that moment. laughs were shared, smiles were passed and songs (most Stone Temple Pilot ones) were sang. Dazed and Confused was quoted as if it was our job to memorize every line from the movie. it still amazes me how we did it -- but we did. our care-free days were spent laying on the banks of the river.. watching the clouds and enjoying the soft trembles the waters allowed us to hear. it was nature's symphony; and it played only for us.

then one day.. the music stopped.

august 17th 1999 brought around a lot of changes. it changed everything innocent in my life as i had known it for so long. i placed my photograph-like memories in a box and hid them away of the attic in my mind. my life seemed to take a back-seat to everything else going on. i stopped listening to Stone Temple Pilots. i haven't watched Dazed and Confused since then.. and i certainly haven't been to the river. until today ...

i guess my rant and rave is to say.. i miss him. so much it hurts. if i could go back and change that day.. change the year prior to his death, tell someone, i would. i'd do anything to avoid all of this now. but the bottom line is; i cant. this is something.. unfortunately.. that i need to move on from.. and maybe being at the river today is the first step down this road.

i�m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
i think about you baby and i dream about you all the time
i�m here without you baby but you're still with me in my dreams
and tonight it�s only you and me



i miss you, mike... and i hope wherever you are.. that you're happy. you'll always be in my heart.. and in my dreams.
1 sweet memory ·· fill the void behind my face

[21 Jan 2004|10:21am]
Recommend to me:

1] A movie
2] A book
3] A musical artist, song or album
4] A LJ user not on my friend's list
3 sweet memories ·· fill the void behind my face

[21 Jan 2004|08:14am]
DSUtrouble5: i know we arent talking but this needs to be said...first, the late night drives to 7-11 arent the same anymore but hold some great memories...i know i said and did things i cant take back , but i miss u and the good times we had together...i dont know why things have to be this way but at the same time i understand, u are a great person and i m glad u are happy because u deserve to be. i know we wont be talking but i needed to tell you that i m truly sorry for everything and if i could change it i would but u cant go back u can only go forward
DSUtrouble5: and i know u and u didnt waste 3 years, or $40000 at drama u. because u have so many talents and u will figure out what u want to do in life and u will be great at it. u are a great writer and singer and so many other things that u will be successful in whatever u do
DSUtrouble5: i hope that u continue to be happy because in life that is all u need because then everything else eventually follows
DSUtrouble5: thank u for always being a shoulder for me and for always being there when i needed u, u always have a career as a therapist or u could go on american idol because u are so much better than everyone tonight. know that no matter what, if u ever need anything u can lean on me and it will all be alright
DSUtrouble5: goodnight babe and have a great semester, u deserve it more than anyone i can think of O:-)






.. i can honestly say i don't even know how or what to comment on this.
1 sweet memory ·· fill the void behind my face

[19 Jan 2004|08:57am]
[ mood | happy ]

back to DSU today -- am i looking forward to it? not really. i'm wasting so much money by being there.. not just because i have no desire to go back, but because i'm working 30+ hours a week and i'm only at school 15 hours if that. pointless. absolutely and positively pointless -- all the money down the drain. ugh.

alesha and i talked about it yesterday while i was at work.. we discussed school and a few other things (like that awesome guy that is her brother, heh). its just all so messed. i'm definitely moving off campus next year..


blah

fill the void behind my face

come and rest your bones with me [16 Jan 2004|09:50am]
[ mood | loved ]

*cough* if you already dont listen to maroon 5.... DO IT! *smile*


another date with ben last night... we went to a local pub to see his dad play. he is amazingly talented. i was in love with his guitar ability and voice all night -- i adored it. and naturally i was introduced to him and everyone else there as well. heh. his friends are awesome. last night branden was there (this guy is a character and a half) and then andy, steve and adriene. all incredible people.

tonight i think he's coming here and watching freddy vs jason with toby, nicole and i. and right now i'm running out to hunt down the m5 CD... my burned copy isnt cutting it anymore.

<3

fill the void behind my face

damn nicole! oh man [15 Jan 2004|10:37am]
why can't iCollapse )


...so um; how bout them eagles??
2 sweet memories ·· fill the void behind my face

the only way to find true happiness is to thy own self be [15 Jan 2004|10:08am]
[ mood | indifferent ]

day 4 of my 40 hour week... and of course the last friday night at home without worries of school. blah.. speaking of school; i caved last night and told my parents how i dont want to go back. naturally.. their dissatisfaction in me held true to the conversation. i spent a good half hour listening to them lecture me about college. and bluntly, i stated that if i already didnt waste $40,000+ on school i wouldnt be going back. i dont think they liked that idea too much... but whatever. the bottom line; i am going back, sticking it out and then.. who knows, because i sure dont.

i regained that smile when my phone rang within the first twenty minutes of pirates of the carribean was on. oh it was ben. we held a nice twenty minute conversation until he decided to go to bed and i went back to my movie night w/ my parents (yes after getting lectured). talking to him made me laugh.. especially since its his sister that introduced us. alesha called yesterday while i was at work.. drilling me about the night we went out. she's too funny wehn it comes to me and him; funny. but absolutely adorable too.

and back to pirates.... i'd run away with will turner anytime.

<3

fill the void behind my face

now how about life as of now [14 Jan 2004|09:22am]
i concluded (counting last night) i've hooked up with 11 people since may. i'm debating if thats good or not. its not like i slept with all of them. only 3. haha. god i feel like a hooch.

but life is awesome. the friends i have, that i realize are TRUE friends, i wouldn't change for anything or anyone.. and my guy situation is out of control.

why is it when i want a boyfriend, i cant find anyone interested, but when i dont they flock like i'm some endangered species? if anyone can answer that, please do so.. the more i think about it, the more my head hurts.

and now.. i must go rinse off the reekiness of bar -- did i mention i turned 21? oh yes. that was interesting.. muahahaha...

<3
2 sweet memories ·· fill the void behind my face

lets recap this thing they call life [14 Jan 2004|08:55am]
which naturally coincides with my reasoning for changing my journal name.


i should have taken a hiatus from school when all of this happened. this being my life turning upside down and inside out. this being my world shattering and my trust in people diminishing so that only a few now have that trust and those that had it won't ever have it back. but i stuck it all out and for this entry (which will conclude the hellish end of 2003) is maintaining my sanity and keeping me safe.


school would have been good. the summer ended with a fling that should have occurred years before, good-bye kisses and of course with all acknowledgement that the guy i was dating would be back at school waiting. as it turns out, the lovely "break" EJ wanted for the summer turned into him not seeing anyone and thus left us together all summer. now i, on the other hand, had a few romances which left me wondering what it was i really wanted.

september turned into the month from hell.. well no, the end of august into september turned into the months from hell. things that were sworn into secrecy were told in a matter of minutes to a guy who was too caught up in what everyone else was saying. these secrets were spilt from the mouth of someone i had considered like a sister to me, a bestfriend, and someone i thought i could have trusted with anything.

my my, was i completely wrong.

that whole fiasco also turned into him having "strong feelings" for her and her returning them. kick in the face for me. isn't there an unwritten, unspeakable code of friends that says you NEVER touch an ex-boyfriend of a friend... let alone BESTfriend?? i could have sworn there was.. in fact i think there is because i know damn well i would have never touched any of my friends' exs despite who they were or how bad i wanted them.

never

so that started the mega-huge spiral downward. my "bestfriend" stealing my boyfriend.. then placing the blame on me. because, according to her, if i was a true friend i'd want her to be happy... ah but turn the tables, had i done that to her, she'd be reacting the same damn way. needless to say i stopped talking to her and him since then. i want nothing to do with either of them; which sucks because my bestguyfriend is my ex's roommate. it totally blows that i had to lose someone out of this.. but when i think about it, she wasn't worth the effort.

it'll be interesting to see how 2004 holds up this upcoming semester
fill the void behind my face

[13 Jan 2004|07:09pm]
so how much does it suck to love someone you can't have?








..a lot.
fill the void behind my face

look for the girl with the broken smile [13 Jan 2004|08:09am]
[ mood | awake ]

so this is my new journal.. full of fun, mystery and excitement.. not really. just my ramblings, like before, in indepth areas. read it. love it. love me.

ha.

fill the void behind my face

[12 Jan 2004|08:19am]
just a test
fill the void behind my face

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